I Hate Myself. I Feel Crazy.

It opens like a heist movie in reverse.

I packed a box of soup mix and Beyoncé tickets for the man I loved, sang to my dog, and I was happy. By morning, FedEx had told me the recipient was dead.

From there, I Hate Myself. I Feel Crazy. A Comeback Story goes backward before it can move forward. It moves through the childhood, people, losses, disasters, and spectacularly inappropriate moments that shaped me long before I learned how to save myself.

Schoolyard beatings and an eating disorder. Coming out and falling in love. Family funerals that somehow became comedy. Fierce teenage girls who operated like my private security detail. My father closing every blind in the house before attempting an acceptance speech. The kind of loss that divides a life into before and after.

And somehow, it's funny.

It's about what happens when the hate you carry for yourself becomes heavier than everyone else's love for you, and what it takes to finally put it down.

Through therapy and recovery, I began to own the part I played in my own destruction and learned to use the tools that could help me heal.

It's a story about the people who carried me, the ones I lost, the versions of myself I had to leave behind, and the strange, brutal, hilarious work of coming back.

Not to who I was.

To who I was supposed to become.

It's the story I needed to read when I was lost. I wrote it for anyone who's falling apart and needs a little inspiration to keep trying. To keep fighting.

There's a lot of love in it. My family. My friends. The people who made me laugh when nothing was funny, and the ridiculous moments that kept me afloat.

And there's the work. Finding the will to walk into meetings. To sit in therapy. To change my life when I just wanted to die.

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Coming November 12, 2026.

With love,
William